Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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