i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
