uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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