Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
