Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
