Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
