Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
