My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
