Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
