I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize