Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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