I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize