I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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