I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
