at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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