Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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