We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
