woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
