Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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