her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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