see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
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I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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