I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
being pregnant is like rehab
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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