Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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