Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's just like the Real World with babies
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
