every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
