He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
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Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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