Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
