1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
