I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
