i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
