he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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