things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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