I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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