he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
