Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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