How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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