And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
