in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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