I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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