god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So apparently I’m into choking now
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
