I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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