and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
