I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
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I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
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Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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