Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
