Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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