Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best