Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize