i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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