hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF