Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.