Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.