? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off