During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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