As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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