I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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