mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Randomize
