I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
