he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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