gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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