when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
