I hate all girls vehemently.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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