I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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