I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
