Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
