That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
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Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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