Tell her she can't have a vagina
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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