The maid of honor just puked.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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