the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Found the puke drawer
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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