did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
